Today brings me a dilemma known to all women of a certain age. Will I continue to dye my hair or will I go grey? You see I am fifty this year. There I have said it. I. Am. Fifty. This. Year. And I want to know how this happened. Truly. I feel as though I went to bed aged thirty seven and woke up aged fifty. Almost. Thirty seven was a great age for me. I was in the process of renovating my house, and my life after a disastrous marriage. I was fit from all the physical work I needed to do on my house. I was enjoying all the learning about plumbing and floorboards, tiling and etc. I was beginning to discover my true self having given up so much of me in vain attempts to keep a wrong marriage going. Every day felt like an adventure. I had the curiosity of a child and the power of a mature adult. Myself and the bank had bought my little house against all the odds and 'I told you so's.' I WAS ON A ROLL!
Now I am almost fifty. A new marriage, a new house and two new daughters later! I love my life. I have made my peace with the past. I continue to learn and grow. I know now I will carry on doing that until the day comes when I am pushing up daisies. 
But here is that knotty question again. Do I accept my years gracefully by going grey? Or do I stay young by dyeing my hair again? Will I be giving up by giving into the grey? Or, will I be saying, this is me, like it or lump it? 
For my mother and grandmother, fifty was old. They were both grandmothers at my age. My granny went grey, my mother went blond. My granny saw her middle years as a rest and a reward after the hard times. My mother fought her age and regretted the lost years. I think my choice will be different from both of them. For now, I think I'll just take that childlike curiosity and that adult power and see where the road leads... it hasn't let me down yet.
I would love to hear what choice you made, comment below or explore your beliefs and choices more by joining the conversation Your Irish Identity, Gifts and Shadows 

     
 


Comments

01/19/2012 05:47

Funnily enough, I never had the dilemma of whether to go grey or dye my hair - I started going silvery grey in my 30's, but it's a bit like having highlights!! For me, it was a decision to stop having my hair permed, and to accept that I have straight hair, with a bit of a kink in it, and a will of its own!! It was quite liberating, really, to finally accept myself as I really am!!

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01/19/2012 05:53

That's the heart of it Julia isn't it..accepting ourselves as we really are. x

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01/19/2012 06:06

I had to grin at this - having passed 50 a few years ago determined to age as gracefully and naturally as possible. I've opted not to dye but, as my sister points out, I have only a few silver hairs. She and our mother were entirely grey in their 30s and opted to dye. I got my father's genes.

I've also opted against any cosmetic surgeries/procedures. This is more challenging and something I revisit most mornings - at least the ones I'm brave enough to put my glasses on. So far I'm going naturally, but not sure how graceful it is!

Happy birthday! Other than the wrinkles the Fifties are pretty grand.

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01/20/2012 03:25

I often think of the French culture which holds in high regard women of a certain age Susan. I wonder if we had grown up in that culture would we even ask ourselves these questions?

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01/19/2012 07:06

An interesting dilemma and a very personal one Martine. When my grey hairs started appearing, I realised I felt more "me" with my dark brown hair, and so started with gentle wash-in colours. When I lost all my very long and lovely hair during chemo, I purchased short, dark brown curly wigs, and everyone said how I resembled Elizabeth Taylor in her glory days. This was a tremendous boost for my morale. Then, when my new hair started growing back, I was shocked to see how totally grey I was, and I felt unhappy with that look. As soon as possible, I had my new hair coloured, and now continue to have this done every two months with the same kind hairdresser who guided me through the chemo experience.
Daughters are also very helpful at decisions like this and I am grateful mine was extremely supportive during such a crossroads in my life.

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01/20/2012 03:33

The heart of the hair question, Christina, does it feel like me? (I am not sure yet if this grey hair feels like me.)
Thumbs up to your hairdresser, she is definitely a healer in her own right.. I am so glad you have had her support. x

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01/20/2012 03:33

The heart of the hair question, Christina, does it feel like me? (I am not sure yet if this grey hair feels like me.)
Thumbs up to your hairdresser, she is definitely a healer in her own right.. I am so glad you have had her support. x

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Ann Gillespie
01/19/2012 09:41

Funny, I'm trying to make this decision myself. I've been coloring my hair since my 30s. Like Christina, the gray just didn't feel like me so I covered it. Now, it'd be nice to save the money and time, and since I'm 50 (not far from 51 now) I'm feeling that I could be okay with the gray. You're right - 50 for us is nothing like 50 for our mothers, let alone our grandmothers. Ah, who do we want to be in our 50s and beyond? Such an interesting question...

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01/20/2012 03:36

Great question Ann! I often ask myself (and my clients) a variation of that "Who do you want to be when you grow up?"

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Being an older mother the dilemma of whether to dye my hair or not is a question I ponder frequently. I had my first son at 39 and my triplets at 41. My little girl is turning five this month and she is very concerned about how her mom looks. One day I made an extra effort to put on some make up to attend a school party She looked at me, then said: "Thank you, Mom. You look like a real Mom now." I don't know what I look like when I don't look like a "real mom".

I have been coloring my hair since my twenties. I found my first gray hair at sixteen. I think I will have to continue to my sixties, because my kids just won't be ready for their classmates to think their mom is their granny.

But oh, wouldn't life be easy, not to have to deal with those awful roots every three weeks?

Great topic, Martine!

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01/20/2012 03:40

I remember a Dad I worked with years ago Mairead. His teenage daughters pleaded with him to cut his long hair. Why? Because then he would look like all the other dads!

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