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And the tears came..

11/19/2012

6 Comments

 
And the tears came,
And I cried for days.
And I was afraid the tears would never stop.
And they stopped...but then they started again.
And I learned how much I feared my pain.
And I learned how much my friends feared my pain.
And I learned how there are seasons to my grief.
And I learned that trying to make myself stop doesn't work.
And I became too tired to fight the tears.
And I floated in my ocean of grief.
And I did not drown.
And I kept on looking for someone or something to hold onto.
And I found my self.
And I said to my self, 
'I will not give up on you.'
'I will hold onto you.'
And I am still here...

6 Comments
Mairead link
11/19/2012 06:47:00 pm

Beautiful, poignant words Martine. I love the rhythm of your free verse, giving life to these gorgeous words of self discovery.

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Martine Brennan link
11/22/2012 12:32:26 am

Mairead, thank you. Mx

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Anne Galivan link
11/21/2012 11:34:49 pm

What a beautiful song by Simon and Garfunkel. I'm a fan but I've never heard that song.

But I can't but wonder what caused your terrible grief. I have been there, having experienced numerous tragic deaths in my family. The thought that you found yourself to hold onto inspires me.

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Martine Brennan link
11/22/2012 12:38:06 am

It is indeed a beautiful song Anne. For me it expresses something of the seasons in our lives. I wrote this about my grief after my daughter Hannah died in 2004. The blog 'Remembering my daughter Hannah' is listed under Family in the side panel. I am so glad you found some comfort in my words. This is my hope when I write. Warm thoughts, Martine

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Anne Galivan link
11/23/2012 05:28:28 pm

I want to add that your poem may be the most profound grief poem I have ever read. Or maybe it's just where I am at in my life. I wish I had had this knowledge when my brother was killed by a drunk driver in 1997. I was indeed drowning and no one came to the rescue. In fact, friends and church members made things worse. My grief didn't fit with their timetable or view of what Christianity was supposed to be.

I didn't realize that I needed to hold myself. That I needed to comfort myself. It's so hard to realize that when it really comes down to it, we are all we have. It is something I am learning (big-time) as I am getting out of a 30-year abusive marriage. I've never taken care of myself. I allowed myself to be destroyed because I only ever thought I was supposed to take care of everyone else. Meanwhile, I've been dying.

I actually printed out your poem to read and re-read. I needed this. Thank you.

Martine Brennan link
11/25/2012 03:36:50 am

There is such a freedom Anne when we realise that we can comfort ourselves and care for ourselves. We no longer have to wait for someone else to do something for us. The underlying theme of my Happiness book is exactly this 'what can I do for ME today?' It doesn't have to be a BIG something. It might only be a very small something. But if we keep doing some small thing every day, the light begins to come in. We learn by doing, that our happiness, our joy, is in our own hands. Many times we will feel that we are getting nowhere but if we persist, we begin to open up.Life begins to open up! I started out with 'my life is over because my baby died' and ended up with with 'my life is utterly changed because my daughter died.' I discovered that I can live with the fact that my life is utterly changed. And I can still find joy and meaning. Just as long as I take care of my self and hold onto my self...
Take GOOD care of your self in the coming days Anne. I will be thinking of you. Mx

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